They are many resources and support groups (both online and in-person) to help you navigate this confusing topic. Please reach out and seek help. 

Conceiving a child should happen quickly and easily – or so most couples are led to believe. Most people naturally assume that when a couple is ready to have a child they will surely be able to have one if they so desire. Unfortunately, many couples don’t have it that easy. In fact, a diagnosis of infertility is not uncommon these days. More and more couples are hearing that they have such a diagnosis and are faced this challenge. According to the HHS.gov site, out of 100 couples, 12 to 13 will have trouble getting pregnant…Sometimes the diagnosis is due to female infertility, other times is a male factor or a third option – perhaps most confusing of all – is due to an unknown reason when both partners pass with flying colors all required tests but are unable to conceive a child. 

Infertility is such a private topic that it’s rarely, if ever, discussed publicly or even between family or friends. When a couple is faced with an infertility diagnosis, they not only have to find the strength to emotionally cope with the next steps should they wish to pursue the idea of becoming parents, but they would also need to face the price tag of that hope. Many couples are genuinely stunned with the dollar amounts of pricey office visits and procedures requiring payments upfront. Indeed, trying to have a baby costs thousands upon thousands of dollars – an amount that most folks are struggling to find and many are unable to afford.

Infertility diagnosis represents financial and relationship stressor for most couples

A diagnosis of infertility is difficult to digest. Learning about different terminologies, processes, timelines, medications, instructions and appointment deadlines can be overwhelming for both partners. For many couples, facing the infertility diagnosis represents grieving the inability of becoming parents “naturally”. Many go through a grieving process – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Often, one or both partners self-blame their past life choices thinking that they could have somehow prevented this devastating reality from occurring. 

There are those that don’t care to process the diagnosis but immediately want to spring to action. Knowing that you have the diagnosis is not going to give you a THB (take home baby) they say. Even though infertility is such a hush-hush topic, it is widely believed that IVF can reset your chances. And in majority if the cases it does help. Unfortunately however, not all succeed at their first try. The irony of this is that many couples are financially unable to afford a second, third or forth IVF or IUI treatments. For that matter, many are barely able to afford one try! The devastation of trying, giving it your all, just to find oneself at the same start line could enhance feelings of pain, sorrow, withdrawal and depression. 

The IVF process can be excruciatingly difficult. The devastation of trying, giving it your all, just to find oneself at the exact same place they started, the same start line with months or years passed can be overwhelming. Finding out that an IVF cycle was unsuccessful could be a soul crushing experience that most couples try to carry the best they can. Many are caught in the vicious cycle of being unable not only to have a baby but also to afford to even try to have one. 

Indeed, the relationship between partners going through infertility is subjected to more stressors than the average couple. If one of the two is the primary reason for the diagnosis, this could produce feelings of guilt and low self-esteem in that partner. On the other hand, the other individual may feel secret resentment and hurt that parenthood is off the table. Many of these feelings are laying underneath waves of frustration, fear and sadness. Due to feelings of inadequacy, it is not uncommon for words such as “separation” and “divorce” to be frequently muttered between fights. Blaming oneself for the diagnosis is often experienced. “I should(n’t) have done” (fill in the blanks), “if I only knew this back then”, “I wish someone would have told me this earlier” and other similar statements are often voiced. 

Discussing the financial aspect of infertility treatments can cause very heated arguments between most couples. Affording infertility treatments somehow becomes the number one topic of conversation which can emotionally drain both partners. Taking supplements and shopping for most affordable medications is taken on a whole another level. Couples with infertility issues are susceptible to higher number of arguments due to stress. Joining in-person or online forums can not only help partners with so much needed support, but also assist them in gaining knowledge on the specifics (pharmacy prices, best clinics in US and abroad).. Starting individual or couples counseling is also a great way to rebuild communication, draw closer to each other and clarify thoughts and feelings on this subject. Whichever way you choose to battle this diagnosis, know that there’s no wrong way. Remember to breathe and be gentle with yourselves knowing that you’re doing your very best!

If you need to discuss your thoughts and emotions surrounding your diagnosis or situation, please feel free to reach out to us. We’re here to help!