Why we struggle to love ourselves just the way we are?

Individuals may start to dislike their body and/or physical appearances for variety of reasons. For instance, comments made by family members, friends or partners can cause a significant negative impact on one’s psychological well-being. Another reason for a negative perception of body or physical appearance is the unrealistic images flashed not only on TV screens and the internet, but also on almost every social media site. Individuals are constantly reminded what  the desired, or “standard”should look like. Constantly comparing oneself to an impossible image or ideal can provoke or even worse, greatly intensify, already present feelings of low self-esteem, unworthiness and preoccupation with perceived defects. If not addressed in a healthy and safe environment without judgement, this negative perception can eventually progress to obsessive attempts to change, correct and ultimately fix the “unappealing” part of oneself. This can take part as excessive exercising routines, daily measuring, mirror checking, needing reassurance from others or seeking cosmetic interventions.

Some steps available to address these negative perceptions are easier than others. Some involve a more in-depth cognitive restructuring and a whole lot of will power. For instance, a tangible step for someone  obsessed with weight would be to get rid of his/her scale and stop weighing daily. If let’s say an individual’s goal is to work out 7 days a week in order to maintain that “perfect” body, perhaps that can be reduced to a more balanced 3-4 times per week. Working with an experienced mental health professional is recommended in order to help guide the individual. Another example would be to create a list of names of favorite famous individuals (performers, writers, entrepreneurs  etc.) who may not have that “ perfect”  look but have other, noteworthy qualities. This can be a healthy way to adjust their negative perceptions. And finally, learning to accept one’s body and shape by talking about it without shame or guilt can be a healthy coping method to overcome long-held negative beliefs about what their body or appearance should be.

If a close person is causing feelings of self-loathing about one’s appearance, there are multiple ways to address it. One way would be to have a frank but direct discussion to address this situation. By simply stating that his/her words are creating discomfort and sabotaging your attempts to accept yourself and your body would generally convey that such behavior is inappropriate. If however, this is disregarded and the comments continue, a loving but firm statement about the toxicity of their behavior would express that they are crossing a line and that their behavior is unacceptable. 

In order to distinguish between normal vs maladaptive experience, the DMS-V, the Bible of mental health experts notes that individuals need to meet certain criteria, some of which include: experiencing a preoccupation with one or more perceived defects that are not observable or appear slight to others, are performing repetitive behaviors (checking the mirror, reassurance seeking, excessive grooming, skin picking, etc), the appearance preoccupation is causing significant distress in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning and is not better explained by concerns with body fat or weight in an individual whose symptoms meet diagnostic criteria for an eating disorder. With this in mind, a person should have a sober, honest look within and determine if they think they may need help. If there’s even a doubt in one’s mind, it is always best to consult with a mental health professional to better understand their specific scenario and rule out any maladaptive patterns. 

If you or a loved one is struggling with body image and/or your appearance, please feel free to contact Freedom Counseling today!